If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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