I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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