There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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