ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
