She is in my trunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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