I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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