I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
