I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
