Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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