Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
