i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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