Please, let me fuck your mom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
