i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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