I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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