census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
