if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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