Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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