OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
