As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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