It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
