Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
