I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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