I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
