I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize