Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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