i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
