she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
