Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
