You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Panties = found
Randomize