As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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