everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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