I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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