I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize