she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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