You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
