omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
