if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
