CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
