ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
