Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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