My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
