Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
