She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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