Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize