You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
