I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
