dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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