So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
