Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating