I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.