So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.