Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize