I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him