dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.