..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm really into asian looking animals
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
