Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are my feet made of real feet?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.