I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
