you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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