there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
