Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
