Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
