mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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